 |
 |
 |
           |
 |
 |
 |
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
 |
Why Therapy Fails Sometimes
I saw a couple for marriage counseling this week, and when I asked them if they had ever seen anyone else for counseling they said they had worked with two other therapists. They had seen one therapist on and off a few years back. They had seen the other one only a few times. They couldn't even remember her name. I asked what they had gotten from counseling, and much to my chagrin, came a far too typical response: "Nothing." Why doesn't therapy make an impact? Why do people who see a counselor week after week continue to be bogged down with the problems they initially came in with? Sometimes the therapist just isn't very good. She may be supportive and understanding of her clients' problems, but her skills don't go far enough. She's unable to confront the woman who talks on and on or to tell the man he's out of line with his anger. Or that he needs to stop drawing attention to himself by butting in. Sometimes, too, the therapist is good at helping to identify the problem but is not skilled in coming up with suggestions as to what the person can do to change. Counseling may also fail because the person going may only be interested in proving it's someone else's fault. Once the therapist hones in on what the person is doing to cause part of the problem, the individual cancels all future therapy sessions. Later on she can be overheard at a party saying how therapy doesn't work. Sometimes therapy is seen as ineffective because the original goal for going cannot be achieved. For example, a woman is involved in a terrible marriage. She and her husband fight constantly, he runs around on her, he won't come to therapy, and because of religious reasons she's unwilling to get a separation or divorce. In this case the therapist is limited. He can help the woman explore what she gets from fighting. Perhaps it's a pattern she learned in childhood or a fear of closeness. The therapist can teach the woman how to pick her fights instead of engaging in every fight that comes along. He can teach her how to stay on the topic when she and her husband have a disagreement, which will limit the length and intensity of their fighting. And he can help her learn to identify other areas of her life where she will find fulfillment. He can certainly help her cut down the arguments in her marriage. What he can't do is stop the husband from running around. Sometimes therapy is ineffective because the person going is not willing to put in the energy to make needed changes. He may be willing to come talk about the problem - shyness, loneliness, anxiety, difficulty on the job - but he's unwilling to do what it takes outside of the therapy session to make therapy effective. He won't put himself in a situation where he can meet new people. He refuses to update his skills so he can find a different job. He won't explore other jobs, and he refuses to talk to his boss about his unhappiness. Therapy is a little like going to the doctor. You want to choose a doctor that has a good reputation. Once you go, you explore your symptoms with the doctor - when they first appeared, how long you've had them, what you've tried in the past. The doctor makes a diagnosis and prescribes treatment. You follow the treatment plan and take your medication. If the medication doesn't work, you work on another course of action. You continue to consult the doctor for other treatment plans or you try a different doctor until you get the problem solved. Doris Wild Helmering is a St. Louis psychotherapist in private practce. She has written eight books, numerous magazine and newspaper articles on the topics of marriage, relationships and families. Doris guides her clents with calm and sensitivity and solution directed action plans. Visit Doris at http://www.doriswildhelmering.com/blog She'll make you want to change.
MORE RESOURCES:
Coaching - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
More Money & Less Stress? At 2pm last Wednesday, I got a call from one of my clients. Before I could barely utter my "hello," she launched headlong into her story - "I am so frustrated! I have this client who has been dragging her feet at every stage of our project. Ten Benefits of Having a Relationship Coach As a Master Certified Relationship Coach, I work with singles to help them attract a great match and with couples to help put their relationships back on track. I hear great feedback from my clients about the value of coaching. How to Get a Grip on Your Money Most people have no idea where their money goes. They earn it and they spend it. Relaxation Couldnt Be Simpler Many people use their sofa and TV to help them 'switch off and relax'. In reality, television programs can suspend you n stress for yours, with depressing or thrilling storylines, violence and madness!True relaxation is achieved when all tensions and thoughts are eliminated. How to Get More Business Without Even Trying Why are you in business? Hopefully you enjoy what you do, however is it because you want to make money so that you can have, be and do more in your life?Who pays you? Your clients do and never forget that. Unfortunately many people do. The Art of Change We don't change. I imagine such a statement could find a lot of opinionated opposition if it implied a lack of growth, whether that be on a knowledgeable level, a logical or spiritual one, but in this case we refer to ourselves and who we are in relation to who we were when we decided to grace this world with our presence. Communicating Anger Compassionately Whether it is irritability or unmitigated rage, anger is an emotion everyone knows about. Unfortunately, few people have been taught how to mange this feeling in an assertive and compassionate way. Body Language Speaks Louder Than Words Has it ever occurred to you how much you are saying to people even when you are not speaking? Unless you are a master of disguise, you are constantly sending messages about your true thoughts and feelings whether you are using words or not.Studies show that your words account for only 7% of the message you convey. How to Adopt a Losing Attitude We have all heard the expression, "Where your heart is?, your treasure will be also." Allow me to modify this tried and true wisdom, to create an equally valid point: "Where your thoughts are, your hips will be also. Life - Is It Just An Illusion? It's a well-known fact that electrons and atoms move at the speed of light, technically flickering in and out of existence. In other words, half of the time we are actually not here. 4 Brilliant Tips to Speed Read Faster than Ever Many people, particularly students, would love to be able to absorb information faster. But before retaining information, they have to go through the first stage of learning, which is reading. Flying in the Slow Lane Dogs distrust hot air balloons. I gathered this tidbit as my husband and I floated over the mountains in a wicker gondola, listening to the barking chorus that followed us even 3,000 feet into the air. 6 Practices for Achieving Excellent Self-Care Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) often feel like they are running behind schedule, and just don't have the time get everything done. As a result, many ADDers end up sacrificing their own self-care in order to scratch off items on their to-do lists. 5 Tips to Improve ANY Performance Seeking improved performance at work? Wishing you could finally achieve your sports-related goals? Merely looking for a way to get more out of everything you do? What follows are five basic skills (basic in that all top achievers know these skills and apply them in some form on a weekly basis) that will dramatically improve your performance.1. Self-contentment Leads to Confidence Being self-content means accepting and acknowledging who you are at your core and becoming satisfied -- maybe not perfect, but satisfied -- in all areas of your life. When you learn to better understand, better appreciate and eventually love yourself, you exude a quiet confidence that will open doors to what you want in life. Coaching Book Review: The Coach: Creating Partnerships for a Competitive Edge Leaders today have many challenges when it comes to guiding and influencing the performance of their team members. In the past, productivity and success depended on sheer muscle and sweat. Im Gonna Die MY Way My wife says I have the strangest taste in movies. You see, there are movies I can watch again and again, which she couldn't sit through once. Email Etiquette 1 I thought it might be worth visiting some email etiquette for all as the majority of the readers of this newsletter are now on email.It is important to consider that when emailing people you are on show, whether you like it or not, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Secrets of Creating Interpersonal Power If you work with people, as a company owner, manager and team leader or on the customer interface, your impact on others is your most important asset! Someone creating 'Interpersonal Power', as I see it, has the ability to inspire, motivate and facilitate outstanding action in another.In 1996 I won the Olympic Games in Atlanta, GA, in Whitewater Slalom. Still Wondering About Coaching? A friend called me the other day from Lower Alabama. He has followed my career as a coach with enthusiasm, and continually refers clients to me, and I'm sure has done his part for making coaching known in his neck of the woods.
|
 |