 |
 |
 |
           |
 |
 |
 |
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
 |
The Six Rs for Changing MInds and Overcoming Resistance
This article borrows from Howard Gardner's book, "Changing Minds" (2004). In order to get people in conflict to cooperate or collaborate sufficiently to settle or resolve their differences, and perhaps achieve reconciliation, it is necessary that they change their minds. The reason they are in dispute is because they are of two different minds about a particular thing, which is what they are fighting over. People do not change their minds easily. Some people are prepared to be burned at the stake, literally, rather than change their minds, or admit to a change of belief. People cling to the artifacts of their own minds with great stubbornness. This is called resistance. When a mediator seeks to bring parties together, she will encounter resistance. If there were no resistance, if changing minds was easy, there would be no need for mediators. Howard Gardner has identified six R's, which are helpful in helping people to change their minds. They are: reason, research, resonance, re-description, rewards and real world events. Reason is employed by way of the use of argument in order to persuade. Research is used in order to collect facts, also with the purpose of persuading, often a mediation is a conflict between competing facts. Resonance appeals to the feeling part of the human personality. Does a proposal feel right? Some people rely heavily upon resonance, and prefer it to a reasoned and researched position. Orators and advertisers seek a message that will resonate their audience. Re-description can be profoundly effective. Matters are often expressed in the negative, but when changed into a positive form of expression, convey a completely different and more attractive meaning. Mediations are often a persistent attempt to re-describe the problem in order to make solutions seem more attractive. Rewards are an important part of any negotiation, and are usually accompanied by penalties. This is often known as the "stick and carrot" approach. Real world events can have the effect of changing parties' perceptions completely. Such events may be quite trivial, like going out for lunch. After lunch, what was said in the morning and rejected out of hand may, with the benefit of the simple event of several hours passing and a meal, seem much more attractive. The ever-present problem of the mediator is that parties do not want to budge, but unless there is some change they start to get impatient. So the job of the mediator is to continue to make some progress, so that there is a perception of movement. This is necessary in order to keep the parties at the negotiating table. So it is helpful to the mediator to be able to play upon the six R's, developing a facility with each one, in order to keep the parties going through the process in a productive way. Ultimately, the matter must be resolved, not by the mediator but by the parties themselves. The combined focused attention of their minds is what will accomplish the result that they have come to mediation to achieve. The mediator, by using the six R's, helps to maintain the process to its successful conclusion. Charles B. Parselle is a mediator, arbitrator and attorney. He graduated from Oxford University's Honor School of Jurisprudence and is a member of the English bar, then was admitted to the California Bar in 1983. A practicing attorney, he is a prolific author and sought-after mediator. To consult him, please contact him through his website: http://www.parsellemediation.com
MORE RESOURCES:
Negotiation - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Where to FIND the BEST Employees -- Obviously, you might logically say, "that is good!" You would most certainly be on track feeling good about everyone in your area having a job. Getting everyone working and being more self-sufficient is our logical goal. How to Negotiate Effectively You may be thinking, "Gary, I am a mom, housewife, or stay-at-home dad, so why do I need to know how to negotiate effectively?"I'm glad you asked.The truth is everyone needs to negotiate. What Are The Four Types Of Negotiating Outcomes? Negotiating outcomes are the types of results that can happen at the end of a negotiation. All negotiations end up with one out of four possible outcomes: one party wins and the other loses, both parties lose, they get stuck in a stalemate, or both end up winning. Avoiding and Accomodating in Negotiation The avoiding approach to negotiating is characterized by losing, leaving, and withdrawing. No commitments are made, and behavior is impersonal. Communicating Across Time Horizons There was a time in my life when I sold life insurance. Well, to be frank, I tried to sell life insurance. 7 Tips for Bartering Products and Services What better way to gain a new customer than by getting something you need in return? The following are tips to help you use bartering correctly, and make it a good experience for both you and who you are bartering with.1. How To Communicate Using Space What Is Proxemics?The study of the communicative aspects of personal space and territory is called proxemics. Everyone is surrounded by an invisible zone of psychological comfort that follows us everywhere we travel. Neogtiation: How to be Right Without Making Other People Wrong What exactly are we trying to accomplish by proving to others that we're right? We might win the argument but ultimately lose the relationship. Perhaps a better, deeper-rooted question is this: Why do we lose sight of success, of our big objective, when we feel challenged or intimidated?When I prepare to negotiate, provide a service or turn my employees' talent into performance, I know deep down that if I make people feel valuable they will see my input as having value. Barter and Its Benefits What is Barter? Barter involves 2 parties. Each party wants to trade with each other and instead of exchanging cash for products or services, the exchange is carried out with products or services that each possesses. Do You Want a Paycheck or a Passion? 10 Qualities Managers are Looking for in Hiring You Based upon my research of over 300 managers in the last two years, I have found what qualities are most important to hiring managers.You will be in a more competitive advantage if you do a self-assessment to determine if you possess these qualities. Lets Make a Deal Smart buyers will always ask for a better price. Unfortunately, too many sales people and business owners automatically think that reducing their price is the most effective way to respond to this request. Power Pricing - Getting the Right Price for Your Products and Services There's an old joke about the New York City blackout. Power was out everywhere, and the electric company couldn't figure out what was wrong or how to fix it. How To Make An Inflexible Bureaucrat See You As A Person Inflexible Bureaucrats Are Characterized by:1. Cares little about your happiness in life 2. Dont Be Afraid Of Silence In any conversation with two or more people, there is a tendency to want to talk all the time to fill any awkward silences or gaps that appear in a conversation.However, if you think of the conversations that you have with your closest friends or family, you will notice that there isn't the same need to fill these gaps, as silences between you are comfortable. Suppliers as Your Partners in Cost Reduction This article is one of the many articles still to come in which I will discuss very basic yet proven techniques that you could use immediately in your encounters with your suppliers.Oh but wait, to find any value in this article, you must be a firm believer that Purchasing strategies have evolved from just 1) focusing on price and 2) focusing on quality, reliability, responsiveness and total cost to a much broader focus of building supplier relationships. Can a Corporate Executive Really Use The Beautiful Mind; To guide decision making? I would like to comment on the "A Beautiful Mind" movie and the book, which was actually much better. I just finished reading another book on the similar side of John Nashs' assertion of working together rather than competing against. Barter: Its Not Just for Doctors Anymore Time was, in the country, the local "doc" was as likely to get paid with a couple of chickens as a couple of dollars. Doctors these days won't stand for that, of course, but while some people have moved completely away from barter and stayed there, others have embraced it wholeheartedly. Win-Win Power Negotiating Let's talk about win-win negotiating. Instead of trying to dominate the other person and trick him into doing things he wouldn't normally do, I believe that you should work with the other person to work out your problems and develop a solution with which both of you can win. Can a Service Be a Commodity Well Enron dealt with this a little for instance an intangible such as the available bandwidth in fiber optic lines. So what is a commodity in a service business? Well, a commodity could be considered are capacity to wash cars for a mobile car wash business like the company I own, the additionally created capacity coming from increased efficiency in studying production rates. Determine Your Rate And Negotiate Carefully With Unreasonable Clients Consultants who offer executive assistant or computer services on a virtual basis must know their value and be prepared to gauge their billable rate to meet the circumstances.At some point everyone encounters potential clients who expect professional work at rates that are less than appropriate.
|
 |