 |
 |
 |
           |
 |
 |
 |
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
 |
Gaining a Child's Trust
My daughters and I went to the beach several weeks ago. They were having a blast playing in the freezing cold water as I tiptoed around the waves, trying to keep my feet from becoming frost bitten. Next to us in the water was a mother with her daughter who was no more than 18 months old. This woman was holding her frightened little girl hostage in the ocean as the bitter cold waves crashed into her and rushed back with a fierce undertow. The poor child was screaming and crying, begging to be rescued from the torture. Her mother thought this was amusing. She laughed at her baby's fear and grinned at everyone around her. I was disgusted and horrified. I finally told the mother that I didn't find the situation at all funny. I have no idea if my words had any impact. By then, my own kids had finally remembered they had nerve endings and were shivering uncontrollably, begging for the warmth of their dry towels and warm sweatshirts. We left the water's edge and the sickening site of mother traumatizing baby. Did this mother realize she was probably investing her daughter with an irrational fear of the ocean? I doubt it. When I see a parent forcing a child to tolerate something potentially fear inducing, it curdles my blood. This child was traumatized and her mother was not helping her escape the offensive waves. She was the cause of her child's trauma. Where is the trust in this relationship? Will this little girl grow up believing that her mother will always be there for her or resent her mom for belittling her sensitivities? I think the latter. I dread thinking about all the ways this child will, in turn, torture her mother without realizing why. Will she try drugs or alcohol at an early age? Will she indulge in promiscuous sexual behavior at an inappropriate time? Will she be so anesthetized to her self-worth that she drives her first car into a wall at 18? Could be. In my opinion, this mother is treating her baby with disrespect at the most basic level. Instinctual fear is not something we should laugh at our toddler for having, thereby teaching her that her feelings and natural fear of big looming ice cold waves or any other potentially frightening fact of life is dismissed as meaningless. To this child, Mom is saying her whole existence is disdained, her feelings don't matter and her mother is not there to protect her but to throw her into the pits of hell for her own amusement. I've seen this happen at amusement parks, playgrounds and schools. No matter what your child is afraid of, respect his fear, acknowledge his trepidation of the unknown and understand that with compassion and tolerance, he will overcome these basic, natural fears with time and maturity. Some children are more sensitive than others. You might have a child who embraces adventure and roller coasters with passion or a child who is horrified by a small slide at the park. This is your baby. No matter what you think they should be feeling, they have their own wiring. They're going to move at their own internal pace. Let's respect and honor that pace which in turn shows our child that we respect and honor him. This sets a healthy foundation for self-esteem and self-respect, which is so very important for our children to function at their best in the world. Copyright - 2000-2005- Rexanne Mancini Rexanne Mancini is the mother of two daughters, Justice and Liberty. She is a novelist, freelance writer and maintains an extensive yet informal parenting and family web site, Rexanne.com - http://www.rexanne.com -Visit her site for good advice, award-winning Internet holiday pages and some humor to help you cope. Subscribe to her free newsletter, Rexanne's Web Review, for a monthly dose of Rexanne: http://www.rexanne.com/rwr-archives.html
MORE RESOURCES:
Parenting - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Mothers Day Tribute As Mother's Day approaches I would like to give a different perspective to ponder.Being a parent and a mother are not necessarily the same. Is Your Teen Swamped with Homework and Tests? I hear from many parents that their child is stressed out with schoolwork, tests, finals, finding time to study, and extracurricular activities.I do not like seeing overstressed children and teenagers. How Effective is Attend in Helping Children with Attention Disorders? In 1996-97 we were contracted by VAXA International of Tampa, FL to provide clinical, "real world" information on the effectiveness of their product called "Attend." Their product was a homeopathic nutraceutical medicine, meaning that it contains homeopathic medicines, plus nutritional medicines. Dad, Go Ahead and Cry She slipped her small, soft eight-year-old hand into mine. Her face was lit up with joy. Naming Your Baby Is Part of The Challenge of Being a Parent Baby names are as diverse as the people to whom they are given. Choosing the right name for your baby can be a very challenging yet fun exercise! This is my story. Are You Reading to Your Kids? Over a number of years there have been issues raised concerning the literacy levels of eight year old children in schools. The number not meeting minimum literacy levels was almost at 30% only a few years ago. A Dialogue with an ADHD Non-Believer Dear Sir, It was with some interest that I read the article What You Should Know About Attention Deficit Disorder by Edward W. after having it handed to me by a member of our church. Are You Too Busy for Your Kids? In his recent newsletter "Happy Kids", parenting expert Michael Grose (yes he is an expert with three kids of his own) said:Australian parents currently rate achieving work-family balance as their greatest parenting challenge. Currently, 71% of Australian parents say they have difficulty finding time to do the things they enjoy with their children. "Gimme" Proof Your Kids: How To Keep Your Child's Materialism In Check It's the first day of the summer holiday. Five year-old Stephanie is shopping with you at Wal-Mart and picks out three stuffed animals that she saw in the movie Madagascar. After the Driving School If you visit search engines you can find several resources to assist you on this subject. Try searching on the phrase "parents with teen drivers". Role Models for Your Teen By the time your children reach their teens, there is only a limited amount of time left to influence them and get them started in life in the right direction.The teen years are a critical time for role models in your children's lives. Effects of Jealousy on Childs Personality Dear friends here we will charge up our mind with the information of jealousy, Meaning of jealousy, causes of jealousy & effects of jealousy on personality.Meaning- Jealousy is an form of emotional stress. Celebrating Life with Children in September Here are ten simple pleasures you can enjoy with your children this month.1. Weathering Colic for New Parents A common problem many times facing parents is Colic. Estimates say that between 15-25% of infants are born with Colic. Elephants and Teenagers Something eerily familiar happened in KwaZulu-Natal's Hluhluwe-Umfolozi Park in Africa recently.The adult elephants were taken away and the orphaned youngsters were left to fend for themselves. What Might Surprise You About Childhood Obesity The formula is pretty straightforward: energy in/energy out. This is the term nutritionists use to describe the intended balance between calories consumed and calories burned. A Chance for a Home "He is happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds peace in his home." - Johann von GoetheHome. Types of Schools for Troubled Teens It can be difficult on all family members to have a teen move to a boarding facility. As a result, many parents choose to take their troubled teen to an alternative school. Surprising Fun Solution to Kids Moods and Attitudes As a parent, are you at your wits end? Does your child control you? Does your child act up in public? Does your child ignore you, whine, argue, show disrespect, have "moods" or "attitudes", throw tantrums, and drive you crazy? If this sounds familiar, you aren't alone. Parents across the country face the same problems. How To Help Your Child Learn Just as every snowflake is unique, so is every child. The way that your child learns depends a number of different factors, which combined together, create his unique learning style.
|
 |